Transcendence

My world crumbles, but I'm uncertain how to seize, Myself or the hand proffered, unsure if it brings ease. Once more I see in hues of black and white, Where did the vibrant colors fade from sight? Within, my mind and heart engage in strife, Am I content or merely drifting through life? Is this unique to me or shared by all, Should I endure or surrender, rise or fall? Vanish, I yearn, to flee from it all, No opinions or suggestions, let me withdraw. It's killing me, yet I dare not speak, They said, "Your changing mind makes us feel weak." What transpires, what am I doing here? A respite I seek, from thoughts and duties near. For one day I'm splendid, the next burdened by life, Perplexed, I wander through this ongoing strife. Fatigue consumes, draining my very soul, How can I laugh when joy won't take its toll? How can I find happiness, an unfamiliar sensation, Lost amidst a realm of emotional negation? Sometimes I ponder if I fear the glee, For breathing freely has eluded me. To smile with all my heart, I know not how, Or express my emotions, courage I must allow. Grown I am, yet unlearning sorrow's art, Transgressing boundaries, embracing life's start. To unveil my preferences, long suppressed, Freedom to choose, a newfound quest. Perhaps I've never truly grasped happiness' grace, Its essence, its warmth, I can scarcely trace.