Tis the Season
They say it gets harder
The older you get
The loneliness creeps in and often good memories you simply forget
It's those yearly reminders of things you once had
Memories once made
On days you hated in a moment on a day from your past
Oh, how I wish I could rewind time
Replace a frown with a smile
Soak up every single second
With gratitude for all those things I forgot to remember I had, until now
When they are gone
We feel this guilt, it’s this uneasy, unsettling regret that we wasted so many moments being irritable and upset
wishing it would fly by to any moment, just the next
To escape the memories I now wish I made myself sit through to get
So I am now trying to enjoy and create because I understand the importance of every second, for every day.
Today, I make memories for future me to have
Like little treasure boxes, I keep unopened
Until
The day I dig them up
For a memory to recap
I can’t say I am perfect and present every second
But I am constantly aware of my mental exit and my presence
Being conscious of decisions I make
When my brain forces thoughts of loneliness and shame
I am content with who I am when it’s just my shadow and no friends
I am just human, and this comes with imperfections
Feeling loneliness on certain days of particular times of year is a human condition as we are merely just understanding the impact of our conscious presence for our future years. It’s going to be a forever feeling, but knowing it’s just that means you are actually healing.
The journey feels lonely in the beginning when you’re starting reprogramming old ways and ill thinking
Once you are aware of true self
Lonely just means more time you get to work on yourself. No longer should that word make you feel less than anyone else.
Keep that in mind when the seasons roll through and you start to become a shell of yourself. It’s not bad to be content by yourself it means you did the work, and now you actually love the company of self.
You are able to be present, gather new treasures to pack away for a later day when old age claims mobility, and new memories for you to claim. It's like a memory layaway with an extended lay. I may sometimes feel lonely, but that’s just more time for me.
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