Timeline of Abuse
“Shh. Don’t cry please. “
But I knew he didn’t mean it.
He didn’t care.
He just didn’t want to get caught.
“Don’t look at me like that, like I’m the bad guy.”
But how couldn’t I.
... how could I?
I think I’m stuck.
“Shut up and come here. It’ll be over soon.”
I wasn’t even speaking, but I’ll remain that way.
Arguing is pointless, and makes the moment worse.
So okay. I’m coming.
Maybe today will be different.
So again the lesson was burned into my mind:
My body is not my own.
My thoughts are not my own.
My life is not my own.
If I stay quiet, it’s easier. I used to fight. Not anymore. After all, it’s my fault. I should like this. He likes it. I should do it for him. Why can’t I- why don’t I-
I don’t know anymore.
I don’t remember when I stopped existing but I can’t find myself anymore.
Copyright © Ella Gillies | Year Posted 2020
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