Three Tuesdays

My dearest Anna, It has been three Tuesdays since I lost you. I will never forget seeing you, just lying there. I went to our regular coffee shop, at the regular time. For the second week in a row I ordered both of our drinks. It has been seven episodes of that show you like, since I lost you. For that matter most of the things on the DVR were yours. I’m just not ready to delete them, it’s the little things. I don’t think I can just yet. It has been nine Saturdays since I lost you. The drugstore called yesterday and said your medicine was ready. I picked it up. It has been four paydays since I lost you. I roamed the store parking lot looking for a space that didn’t remind me of you. Bought the peanut butter you like. knowing how you crave your midnight snack. It is the first Thanksgiving since I lost you. Dinner at my parents was nice but not one person mentioned you. I called and canceled Christmas with your parents. They said they understood. It has been nineteen Sunday walks in the park since I lost you. More than once my friends told me it is time to pick up and move on. What is so important about moving on? I lost someone I love. It’s not like I can stop loving you and find someone else. It has been half a year of mornings waking up and not seeing you asleep. Many a morning I watched you sleep. You are more than someone I wanted to spend my life with. You were a comfort, a constant, a habit. It has been five months since I have heard you tell me you love me and the memory is starting to fade. I can’t lose it too. It has been one hundred seventy four days, sixteen hours and twenty-one minutes since I lost you. To him.