Though Its Crude

Wispy, striated clouds
Across the pale blue sky
Revealed by the sun proud
Who is low now, not high

Across the pale blue sky
A swallow dips and dives
Who is low now, not high
Closer to earth, survives

A swallow dips and dives
Catches those bugs for food
Closer to earth survives
Feeding young, though its crude

With live bugs as young wait 
Catches those bugs for food
Young not knowing their fate
Feeding young, though its crude

Catches those bugs for food
Revealed by the sun proud
Feeding young though its crude
Wispy, striated clouds  

I checked my poem on this site in the Grammar Checker. It said it was okay. 

Written: June 03, 2022

beautybirdpantoum

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Bill Baker

Date: 6/6/2022 4:10:00 PM

Nice Pantoum for the contest, Sara. Mother bird taking care of the baby birds. I enjoyed the read my friend. Smiles ~ Blessings, Bill

Sara Kendrick
Date: 6/7/2022 2:10:00 AM

Thanks, Bill. I see some ways I could make it better, but I have already entered it. Maybe next time. Sara

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 6/3/2022 10:44:00 PM

I love pantoums. Great poem.

Sara Kendrick
Date: 6/4/2022 5:21:00 AM

Thank you, Victor. I think I need to go back and revise it, but I can't right now. LOL..I appreciate the visit. Sara

Hilo Poet

Date: 6/3/2022 5:21:00 PM

Rare breath-held moments of common acts, Sara, they were nicely done. If it's up for a race, here's hoping you the most my friend, Aloha~William

Sara Kendrick
Date: 6/4/2022 5:15:00 AM

Hilo, I do enjoy watching those most years as they fly in the morning and again in the evenings. I think the young must have already flown the nest because I am not seeing the adults going for food. Thanks for dropping by. Sara

Sam Kauffman

Date: 6/3/2022 10:21:00 AM

Swallows are so lovely. They are one of my favorite birds as they dip and soar on the breeze! Your pantoum is as lovely as the swallow with a feeling of flight! Best wishes for the contest. Blessings for you!

Sara Kendrick
Date: 6/3/2022 1:30:00 PM

Yes, the swallow is one of the nicest birds to watch. The ones that are here build mud nest, but we let them survive each year until they rear their young. It does make a mess on the house. I figure they help keep the insect population down. Thanks for the visit. Sara