This Thought, This Time

THIS THOUGHT THIS TIME This is the time. To put forth in writing the words that plague my mind. An inevitable forthcoming of thoughts internally suppressed, I have thoughts that beg to be told from a spirit of dire unrest. I am an anomaly from the void of infinity in and out of a place riddled with myriad possibility. I have given it much thought, that you should seek that which is not sought. And as I breathe my every breath, I realize it does not end. The life that I live must be a facade yet I keep waking up again and again. I have pondered the purpose of why it all exists, and on repeat from days of old it is a sad song of reminisce. It is challenging to find the truth of my origin in a world scattered in lies and truths abound. I am losing hope of finding life’s existence which may never really be found. The atmosphere is created to bring fear and mounds of false hope. Is this why religion was created to teach man how to cope. I believe to have faith in what you cannot see is to lose faith in your own validity. There is a system of systems so deep it transcends the primitive senses of mankind. So through confusion and conflict I attempt to make sense and try to trace the beginnings and watch it all unwind. As I search for truth I am told that this world is an illusion riddled with masterful tricks. It is said we live in a prison that is known as the earth’s matrix. A playing field for the mentally strong and weak to see who will come out on top. An endless loop of repeated life cycles that goes on and on non- stop. I ask myself what is the game and what do I truly know? Did I choose this life or am I being watched like an actor on the Truman Show. And since I can’t remember my previous life because it’s been erased from my memory. Is it possible that I am in Hell for all of eternity? And is this why the bible says there’s nothing new under the sun, and how our thoughts are always known? Is life on earth a play back of karma for previous lives I’ve sown? I have discovered this is a systematic world created for ill-gotten pleasures cloaked in lies and deceit. For if we remembered previous times it would be our victory over defeat. And if we knew the whole truth of why we are truly here. It would dismantle the fabric of this earthly hologram that binds us year after year. I can only imagine my life if I knew what I now know to get ahead in this game. If you asked me who I am, I would first tell you that I am not my name. I would tell you that it was the moniker I was given to be a game playing pawn. And then I would tell you I don’t know who I am because in this world I do not belong. It is also said that there are parallel worlds in which I could also exist. Well to that I say take me there because it has to be better than this. When I became aware of the repeated scene, I was furious and afraid and wanted to know what does it all mean? For a while I thought love was the answer to all of the world’s drama and tragedy. But then I realized like everything else it too is a concept in this make believe reality. Day in and day out I wake up to do what I did the day before. Could I really be on the Truman show as I search for the stages back door? Now don’t get me wrong ignorance is bliss when your eyes are completely wide shut. And every day I awake hoping it’s over and the director finally shouts, CUT! I have asked a lot of questions, watched many videos and read all the books I possibly can. But at the end of the day with every theory on display I don’t know if I’ll truly understand? I may never be able to make sense of this illusory holographic world. Maybe upon my last breath is when the truth will finally unfurl. But as it stands I am stuck in this place without really comprehending why. This world may be filled with many truths but the matrix says it’s all a lie. The one truth I came to know when my perspective changed I learned nothing is as it seems. And so I continue to wake each day inside a dreamers dream…