This Slimming Lark

I am wanting to look good. It is high time that I should The mirror in the wardrobe told me so I am now no longer fit Just an old decrepit git Who lost his youthful figure long ago My hair is going grey Doesn’t look like it will stay My teeth are on the sideboard in a glass I’ve somehow lost my zip and put inches on my hip I spend too much time sitting on my **** If I’m not consuming grub I’ll be boozing down the pub At keeping fit I am an abject failure And when I’m in the nude My belly does protrude So much so that I cant see my genitalia I must go on a diet I know that I should try it No more Pork Pies, Sausage Rolls or Steak and Chips No more will I take on A sandwich of bacon For I wish to reclaim those snake like hips I think I’ll make a pledge To eat only fruit and veg I will cut out beer and wine and stuff like that If I tell the truth My cholesterol’s through the roof Yet I’ve never been unhappy being fat I was reared on bread and lard So I sometimes find it hard To take on board the things my Doctor said I tell you I’m not joking I enjoy food, beer and smoking And as for my old Doctor, well he’s dead. So should I reduce my food? I’m not really in the mood As I sit here watching Masters Chefs on telly And when I’m no longer here There’s no need to shed a tear Just be happy that I went with a full belly. Bugger the diet!!!!!!!