This Is What I Remember

This is what I remember something sits on my brain a heavy pile of memories maybe (lingering still) freshly brewed strong coffee mingling with last night's bouillon the clangs of covers permeating the stillness wools of sleep tangle the brows in obscure shadows nothing seems to belong to the past anymore like the yellow grin of tobacco and warm old arms, reaching could it be that the youth in you disappeared into me when we embraced? you know what i mean; laughter flying from your neck patting my head as I lay, a grown woman on your lap telling you of things I'd love but cannot seem to bring myself to have and you smiled, that funny smile, closing your eyes how drunk I felt laughing with you! condensing my uncertainties to some foreign 'be well' feeling and this is what I remember... dimming lights and pleading eyes your fingers to my lips gripping into my chest ah, how I felt deserted then and now, drowning into losing you and then you surrendered just laid there and broke free while it rained over my heart and all that was, sank toppled over but never laid to rest this is what I will not forget as memories and loneliness swarm the nights of my days and I yearn for the warmth of you