This House of Pain

I'm choking on this misinterpretation of independence, Even if I tried to get out, Try my hardest to cry out, No one would hear. No one's out here, Locked up in isolation but me, So can I look at you and allow the fact that you understand? Take your hat off dear Sir, You are not fooling anyone, No one's here. I was never meant to be whole, I guess I am the textbook example, Don't be me if you want to be happy. There is nothing, Nothing is everything here. My eyes are closed to the hope I once had, I can't fake it anymore. Better let them know that all the things you came here for, You let slip away... I am not the only one to blame, Even though this is my house, This house on the hill, This house of pain. So why don't you just go, And leave me now? I will fall asleep in this cruel winter and awake in the summer. Even though I don't deserve the sun, I have learned that it shines for everyone, Even those people like me. Gravity pulls all things, Tugging and ripping holes into nothing, Nothing is everything here... My heart strings, On spools, They tear. One night down, Countless more to endure. If life will always be like this, If shallow water is my silence.. I am right, Pack up what you have and get out. I don't want to be saved. I don't want the impossible. The impossible never wanted me. Dry your tears, You are only delirious, And you should not cry for me. I can do enough of the same alone. I don't need help.. I never wanted it, I don't mean to be rude and kick you out, But it's for your own good. Please, Don't look at me like that. Yes, I know it's a shame, I know there are many things I could have became.. But now my brain is numb, My heart was on the chopping block, I died in scarlet shame on the cutting room floor, One night, many moons ago. Death is not for the grieving. I tried leaving, I got caught in a sea of the thread, The memories I had of my life, I didn't see you anywhere, And you cannot be my angel, Because that is impossible... People like me do not get angels like you. Darling, do not cry. Do not even try to lie to me. Shut that pretty mouth of yours, And I will say goodbye, Because if there is one thing I will ever do right, It is this.