Thinking of Her

I try every night to close my eyes I lay awake for hours looking out my window Staring at the stars. Tonight I look out to the moonlit sky The clouds walk in a distant array Weeping as they go. I think of you when I close my eyes The pain is immense, it refrains my sleep Laying down in a conscious dream. I think of you all the I see the sun I think of you when it is dark and wet If only you were here. I walk the corridors so lonely and cold Oblivious to all, I think only of you I wish you were beside me I sit in class, gazing at you I notice you in the largest of crowds I feel like you don’t see me I see you with other guys, wishing it was me I looking into your eyes with intent and passion I feel only a stone cold gaze in return I ask myself why I try, I feel out of depth I’m swimming in the middle of the cold sea My last thought is of you I look at you, your splendid beauty I see us together and going strong If only you gave me a chance I walk the dark halls lonely and scared I walk to school making conversation with myself Imagining it was with you I look out as the sunsets orange Wishing I could hold you as we watch it reprieve Talking until the light fades beyond the sky I find only darkness in the lightest of days I find no warmth in the sun anymore I find no hope in a new day I fight this battle alone, one that is tearing me apart I am fighting my feelings and I cannot win I begin to despair I am lonely, I have no one here No one understands, no one can hear I am alone in this battle My confidence I once had has deserted me My pride and self worth is gone I feel but a remnant of my once self I walk the corridor alone, no light, no warmth No help or support I will find the door and leave this place When? Only time shall tell.