Things Not To Use False Teeth For

THINGS NOT TO USE FALSE TEETH FOR Well for starters, some things are obvious, see? Wouldn’t advise anyone, not just me, To be a circus rope-twirler holding the rope in me teeth When there’s no net beneath. Also inadvisable to try to bend iron bars With teeth, as top performers do - but they’re stars Circus jobs apart, the more mundane things to avoid Would include the following where teeth are employed: Using hand-held teeth for crimping edges ( a serious mistake) Of pastry pie before wife puts it in to bake; Showing amusing party-piece trick to in-laws Where a toy mouse is chased by hand-held monster teeth jaws; Placing teeth in special overnight water glass With magnifying capability to greet waking wife, poor lass! Sinking teeth in cup of coffee or plate of soup To be hauled out for laughs in front of vicar with a whoop; Whipping me teeth out in class to demonstrate Difference between upper and lower plate; Showing how difficult it is to toothlessly say Massachusetts and Missisippi or Saskatchewan’s Sandy Bay. In fact the only thing I recommend when using false teeth Is be sure the top plate’s above and the lower beneath. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . * From my series “BODY PARTS - REAL AND FALSE”