Things I Never Thought I'D Hear Myself Say

Things I never thought I'd hear myself say Back before my kids were born Why is my toothbrush in the microwave? And why is my recliner full of corn? Who put my cell phone in the fish tank? And why is there butter in my shoe? I'd often scream "Get the bleach" When I stuck my finger in their poo Who left their underwear under my pillow? And get that lamp shade off of your head Quit calling your sister an evil troll And there's no monsters under your bed Who put the jello in the DVD player? And no, you're not getting a pet snake Who put this hot dog under the cushions Get your sister's hair out of that cake It doesn't matter what you ask them The answer is always the same "I don't know, I didn't do it" And somehow they're never to blame