Adam Levesque Poet Free verse

The Wreckage in My Mind

I dove Into the wreckage of my mind again.
That might make you think I need rescue, or to be shown the way. That you can help me out of these deep waters. But I dive willingly. 
I've come to know myself deeply. I've connected with every part of what makes up my shadow. That melding is a life long weight I happily carry.
But even after you've lit up every dark corner your shadow hides in, you still have to keep the lights on. But with this light I know what I feel and why I feel it, fully. But the consequence of feeling deeply, is feeling deeply...
Feeling is like diving, if you go too deep, you can't come up too fast. Returning to the surface takes longer than the dive, and the deeper you go, the longer the return.
Everyone looks at me like I am mad for diving as deep as i do because of the toll it takes to return. But I don't care about that. I never have. This does, however, make me a difficult person to care about. I have yet to meet someone who hasn't felt the burden of loving me. 
I dive to understand, and on the return, people that care for me dive in to help me up. Because they love me and care for me. But I cant come up as fast as they want me to and so, eventually, they get tired of waiting. But I have been living with the damage in my chest of coming up too soon for others, and some damage is irreparable.
I like who I am now. I know how deep I have to dive to stop my shadow from making another dark corner. I just wish it didnt make me so hard to love.
All care for is to love and to be loved. This is my soul's remaining desire. my only other desire has only ever been to know myself and that's how I know all this to begin. 
Because I dove into the wreckage of my mind.

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