The Warrior In His Underpants (True Story) Pt. One
one winter night,
I guess about 2 years ago
in my old unheated home,
which I have since sadly left,
I must tell you a remarkable story
about an attempted theft
about 4 or so in the morning
I was upstairs in my bedroom
reading in bed, in but my underpants
insomnia a plague, but what was to happen soon
might make the faint hearted swoon
suddenly I heard a crash
and shattered glass
the whole house shook
I thought, oh, now here we go...
whoever it was,he
must be a real big a_s
I figured it was a crook
and for me that's all it took
anger and rage engulfed me
and I felt my pressure rise
I can just imagine what you would'a seen
then, were you to see my eyes!
I jumped up out of bed
and in only underpants
started loudly to rage,
you should'a heard my rants!!
I was crazed with boiling anger
how dare they invade my home!
I'll kick some butt tonight
just give me half a second,
they'll see me really fight!
down the stairs I raced
screaming like a banshee
it must'a been a sight
too bad you didn't see
well I guess they had second thoughts
about dealing with one so mad
they took there change to run
only choice they really hadI got
see this was a drug infested
ethnic 'hood,
need I say any more?
but even so i was surprised
that they would break my door
so I patched up the door
as best as i could do
but sure feeling less secure
and you know that must be true
well in but just one more week
they tried it once again
what kind of jerks are they?
these drug crazed criminal men?
this time again I was reading
as I am known to do
but still in just my shorts
I guess you wonder who
how stupid are these skuzz-butts,
these turkey hare brained fools?
and what inbred from what
must be
their inferior genetic pools
this time I called the cops,
and soon enough they came
again about 5 am
but one thing not the same
across the street was standing
some weird looking guy
he watched with great interest
you could see it in his eye
the cops began to question him
as i sat upon my porch
for about 20 minutes
my body heat began to scorch
the cops they even yelled
at me to shut my mouth
these young rookie cops I guess
would be better off down south
I sat in undershorts,
the sun would soon arise
I wondered what was going on
and much to my surprise
continued
Copyright © Tom Bell | Year Posted 2007
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