The Trap

Thinking back on my life; My regrets, my past. I realize how early, I didn't have a chance My legacy from the beginning... 'I am disgrace' Mom with "the wood guy", determined my place Nobody cared, the selfishness taught Unnoticed or unwelcomed, just accept what you got Hostile dysfunction, a trap laid for me No other path...Doomed to repeat, history Constant blame; forged violence All the lies; produced hate. Consistently at war; showed my future, sealed my fate My life was a setup! No free thought ahead Couldn't take much more...killed My spirit, soon dead 'Unwanted mistake' echoed loudly, my mind I'd silence those words! Leave all this behind I thought I could forget run away, be freed From the selfishness, the belittling the abuse... I couldn't breathe A teenage girl runaway, free on my own Had no idea, how to survive all alone I ran straight into harm, angry men to embrace beaten and worn, hearing; 'I am disgrace' Different jobs, various couches, obscure in my goal the misery, those words; always 'creeped', in my soul Bad decisions, harsh realities; Destructive and deep I broke down, broke free, abandoned all I couldn't keep. Thinking I'd learned something, with all I had been through Processed my journey, a true life was now due It took so many years to move on from my past with love and support, thought I'd succeeded at last A true life's forgiving but one lie I wouldn't shake The sweet little daughter left behind, I didn't take Love for her, the only secret I kept private, deep inside Convinced this 'was' love, I now know... I let selfishness decide Years later a brave young woman, told a wicked story with heart Of a life full of pain, and mistrust from the start I waited for the blame, for the anger deep inside but only love surrounded, this amazing person I'd denied I had desperately tried to save her from the trap, set her free Instead jailed us, our life without her... without me Her heart was too afraid, crushed again if I run and that's 'my' burden alone, I understand. She's gone. She's done. Shame overwhelmed me, the words; I am disgrace My again broken soul, in her life now had no place I thought... My family would be proud! They knew when I ran. "The mistake, again unwanted. Will be back where she began" "There's no escaping where you come from or, how you started out" "Always lurking inside, we will creep... Don't you doubt" NOOO...My story can't end there, I won't let evil win! My goodness, in spite of them stronger than my sin With real love from my soulmate, at peace with guilt and shame. He showed me my true value, that I am not the same. I'll never get her back, but moving forward comes each day Just to know she's free and happy now, is enough... I'll be okay Selfishness taught from birth, will decide, what you deny See your value, face your demons... trade acceptance, for the lie! Running only delays, your doom, your fate...the trap, Only strength and eyes wide open teaches history to adapt. Not disgrace, not victim..... ...but an; 'I am truly sorry I didn't know better' but 'I do now' and will try to help others... Taught, Accepted and Learned Survivor!