The Tide
It isn't you, she said
It's me
And set her fabrication free.
Revealed that covert expertise
In jubilant solemnity
In the art of feigned, half-flattery.
And yet I look on powerless
still dumbstruck by her vanity
Awestruck by her deftly dealt delivery
Unstuck witness to the source of the sincerest insincerity.
Without the cause to be discreet
Or doubt, or pause for gritted teeth
But still of course with all those things
that set the stricken surface glistening,
things that leave my stomach twisting
now that I'm no longer listening through
the blissful mist of misshearing
the whisperings of her enmity beneath.
Yet the unmistakeable self-loathing hides behind the bloated boasting.
Dancing dizzy then dragged under by the tide that's still eroding,
gnawing silent at the sides.
Once lustrous, impregnable armour now lies turned to salt and oxide,
and the flesh beneath the tarnished gilt so bruised I barely recognise
her rusted, warped reflection.
The mirror in who's crippled waters every smile avoids detection.
The tattered face in whom i once had worshipped perfect imperfection.
It isn't true, you said
and smiled
A smile turned sour by travelled miles
You looked me in the eyes and lied
And told me how you'd tried.
How long you'd sought what used to be inside
All dealt like I was deaf and blind,
oblivious to every sign.
Perhaps you thought I was content,
that you were just so damn brilliant that I'd ignore each disrespect,
each ever-worsening event as long as I could call you mine?
And just forgive each new pretence, let you sacrifice my confidence
upon your altar, slowly built, but tinged with haste,
Sun baked masonry in time replaced
by gilded misandry and wine.
So now I'll watch life aping art
Look on as you replace our past.
Each truce that ever falls apart
Each hopeful glance, each rocky start
Each Bruce that ever breaks your heart
I'll smile a smile that lights the dark
No longer just another mark
And live and love and talk and work
And spread my roots deep in the earth
Bathe in its loyal warmth at last
Hold high a head that knows it's worth
And line up for the start
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