The Terrible Waitress

The Terrible Waitress By Elton Camp The hostess met us at the door We two had been there before Thanks for coming again today We have a table over this way Menus she placed as we sat down “Mary Lou will soon come around.” The waitress had long, stringy hair Dirty uniform showed no hint of care We had sat there for quite a long while But for customers, she showed no smile To us, Mary Lou promptly began to yak While her chewing gun she did smack Tell me how are you guys doing today Were the first words that she did say We were annoyed at her way to greet An elderly couple at their café seat “You guys” might be okay for some teens Who were wearing tee shirts and blue jeans Mary Lou didn’t seem to think it was funny When she said, “What will you drink, honey?” “Honey” might be OK for a two-year old child But at such familiarity I was really was riled To the waitress I commenced right then to say Please never speak to a customer in that way Under the table my wife gave me a hard kick I knew well the meaning of that little trick It was a clear warning to me that I be nice And I certainly didn’t want to feel it twice When we both ordered the golden fried fish Mary Lou said, “Oh, that meal is so delish.” When customers give that order I delight On the way from the kitchen to take a bite It was an hour before she brought our food I don’t want you to think that I was rude But the call for your plates wasn’t clear I finally saw them and brought them here Your food may not be warm and fresh anymore I know because this has happened to me before The cooks working the kitchen are pretty lame It’s not my fault. They are the ones to blame We had little time to eat when she spat, “Are you two guys still working on that?” Mary Lou appeared at our table very soon Did I tell you that I only work until noon? In only a few minutes my shift is complete If you’ll give me my tip now, it will be neat And next time in this joint you happen to be Tell the hostess that you want to served by me