The Telltale Gadget
(A semi-true tale, with apologies to E.A.P...)
He bought it as a treat for she,
for times when they'd a wooing be
When he brought it home he'd seen
a pale, blue button on the machine
The button seem to stare at him,
which caused a fright, so on a whim
He hid it in a bedroom drawer
where it could wait; delights in store
There came a night then, for the lovers
when they frolicked 'neath the covers
but in their passions, he'd soon forgot
the infernal device's resting spot
At last, they lay together, spent
to the sandman's world, they softly went
she dreamt of soft and cuddly kittens
while he, a pair of Christmas mittens
The night drew on, the clock it ticked
his dreams then took a turn to wicked
A buzz, buzz, buzzing at his door
shall this noise go on, evermore?
Three men appeared, then in his vision
they claimed a most important mission
a neighbor'd called them to report
a noise of the most frightening sort
Into the house, he did invite
with face of calm and words polite
such sober men; he must convince
their witness must have been amiss
He seated them and poured some tea
and began to make a testimony
He knew nothing of the neighbor's noise,
'twas likely some delinquent boys
And then...he heard the buzzing start
as persistently as the telltale heart
His brow was covered in a sweat
as he puffed upon a cigarette
The peelers sat there, cool as ice
His head felt though, t'were in a vice
They're mocking me, then, that's their game
Well I can do them, just the same
But, the buzz, buzz, buzzing would not cease
And his mind then, lost all of its peace
He began to pound upon the floor
And shouted out - it's in the drawer!
At which he felt a gentle shaking,
as though the world were subtly quaking
He woke to see her smiling face
She'd already found his hiding place
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