The Stars Never Needed a Witness
It’s been a while since I’ve laid in the road
And felt the cold of the pavement on my back
I haven’t heard the comfort of stillness in the night
Seeing everything in darkness
I haven’t felt much of a need to prove the sky still exists
I know the stars are still there without acknowledging them
The same way my grief is
I feel it
I still feel the loss and yearning of what was
I live in a home that stands in muscle memory
I can taste happiness in the way my chest tightens
When something almost feels right
I call to people that no longer answer back
These walls are cracking from loud echoes
Because I remember how full they once were
I remember how protective they once were
I know the weight will never leave
I’ve stopped begging for it to
Some pain is meant to stay and teach you
I guess I’m still learning how to stand
I’m learning how to smile
Without carrying guilt behind it
And allowing myself to breathe
Without looking for the exit
One day I’ll understand I can give my pain the company of happiness
Because there are days I feel whole
And days I feel hollow
But I still struggle to feel both at the same time
I am not searching for the version of me
that existed before everything broke
I am building the version of me that knows it’s okay
And when I say
I think I’m almost happy here
What I mean is
I am still here
And that has been enough for now
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