The Smile
My smile hides my story
The one you will never see
Of where pain destroys everything
And will never set me free
Of hiding in the darkness
Watching the world exist
Of looking back at happiness
And my dreams I now resist
Of running out of energy
Even before I start my day
Of answering ‘how are you feeling?’
With a shrug and ‘Yeh......I’m okay'
Of returning party invites
With ‘sorry I cannot attend'
Of crying in the corner
Screaming ‘when will this end'
Of running away from friendships
Rejecting help and attention
Of losing out on making memories
Too many times to mention
Of making lifestyle choices
Not for pleasure, but to combat pain
Of climbing many mountains
With nothing there to gain
Of looking for the answer
Never giving up hope
Of battling through the turmoil
And finding new ways to cope
If I don’t answer your phone calls
Or the messages don't arrive
Please don’t think I’m ignoring you
I’m just struggling to survive
Living with this invisible demon
Is slowly destroying me
I’m not hiding behind a bandage
As there is no scar to see
(I must stress that this poem is about someone getting through through life with chronic pain/illness and not how I feel atm. I am totally fine ??
My illness has been with me for several years and I am away to undergo yet another operation and I have just been looking back at how I have coped ??)
Copyright © Alexander Ross | Year Posted 2018
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