The Signs You Didn'T See

I killed myself
And now you care
But why weren't you more aware?
You lie and say you didn't see
The signs which showed I wasn't me;
The cuts which decorated my arm,
The fake laughter and the false charm,
The refusal to answer my phone,
The always needing to be alone,
The wanting forever to only sleep,
And me not being able to eat,
The times when I would hardly smile,
The sorrow hidden in my eyes.
But what about when we had fun,
Did you not see something was wrong?
Did you not see me trying hard
To hide the fact that I felt bad?
Did you not see me drowning drinks
To close my mind and to not think
Of how I just wanted to go
How could you say you did not know?
And when I did reach out to you,
You laughed and said it wasn't true,
You called me crazy,  you called me dumb,
It called it a cry for attention.
You said it was just in my head,
You turned your back on me instead
Of reaching down to help me stand,
You didn't even hold my hand.
I cried myself to sleep at night,
I tried my best to see the light,
But darkness lurked everywhere,
And at that time you didn't care.
Now that I am gone, you cry,
You say I didn't have to die,
You say if I had just reached out,
You'd have been there without a doubt.
It's too late now to turn back time,
It's years I have been dead inside.
I now feel free,
Don't cry for me,
But look out for your other friends,
You don't know how their story ends.

Copyright © Saskia Eugene | Year Posted 2021

Please Login to post a comment