The POTUS's Five Stages of Lying

Stage One: There was a crime? Oh, please don't offend, because I'm saying IT NEVER HAPPENED. Stage Two: Just ignore whatever you read. IT HAPPENED BUT NOT THE WAY YOU SAID. Stage Three: Okay, Giuliani, our legal eagle said IT HAPPENED BUT IT WASN'T ILLEGAL. (Wait, what? Giuliani's been disbarred?) Stage Four: Okay, the liberal press did their due diligence and we have to admit IT HAPPENED, IT WAS ILLEGAL BUT THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Stage Five: Enough with your fake news bit. Your reporting's not worth a bucket of spit. IT HAPPENED, WE'RE PROUD OF IT AND YOU'RE A TRAITOR FOR QUESTIONING IT!