The pain for what gain

I can be your doctor the pills won’t hurt Take a couple baby or you’ll get worse I am the medicine queen come and hit me up I was only 13 getting called that in the traphouse As I was 13 I dated this guy his name was Tommy he was 25 he also was the plug and he supplied me with drugs so I was in the traphouse everyday just to get drugged up! And my parents didn’t really care about me after I turned 12 or 13 they gave up on me now I’m 23 and they wonder why my life’s so shi tty And they got Dior and I’m sitting pretty reflecting on the past yeah it got me feeling All day I can’t stop overthinking what if I never went to the traphouse and stayed there I shouldn’t have been with them I should’ve been a normal kid playing with Barbie’s with my nice friends and the guy I loved yeah Tommy was a he was a dick and he wasn’t a good person he used me for the hunnies now he gonna hit me up on the jail call cus he killed 3 people I knew at 14 that really messed me up mentally I was just gonna say f*** my past but I really need to air the laundry bag tho. I wonder what my life is like the drugs in the night like what is it like with all that ? What is the drugs like with no issues in your life, without that , though what if I never did them at all would that raise me up and change me to be a star would I rank up now I just would never know cus I’m in too deep and I can’t let them go even thinking about a sober day that scares me cus I need weed or pills or anything to make it better my day gonna be so boring and stressful without drugs giving me that pressure of that pain I feel like it’s a weight I wanna be saved but I’m my mothers daughter so that’s never gonna change and they made me who I am today a depressed 23 year old dying junkie who can’t get out of the pain and cycles that are on repeat they’re eventually gonna fu ck me up and take me under 10 ft. I mixed my medicine I’m on cloud 9 someone mixed my medicine I feel like I’m dyin in this bed again, dying In my head again someone mixed my medicine again I’m dying I’m crying again I can’t get up I’m laying paralyzed with intoxication running through my veins and blood and eyes my body is numb and I think this is it I’m actually gonna die well this is it imma have to wish you a farewell and a goodbye ~ Ps. If there’s anything you can take from me is that I’m a young lost junkie don’t get encouraged you don’t want this life be cool don’t die Jackie you’ll be okay just please just for me breathe.