The Memory

I still remember.
I don’t know how many lifetimes ago,
maybe just a few,
not too many.

This new body remembers too

the way my terror made you smile
the way only my breath could escape
even my mind caught in my skull
strapped to your table
trying to turn off
trying to turn off the light of awareness
as your mask of kindness came off
as your secret smile showed
as delight grew in your face
as I tried to not break
as I tried to push the pieces of my being together
pretending not see the fractures.

You chased my soul into hell, laughing,
then leaving off when you saw I thought the flames better friends than you;
did you suspect only then you’d gone too far,
or was I boring and out of reach.
i hid in Hell like a fish in kelp,
knowing the damned were so many you’d never find me in the multitude,
knowing at last you’d lose sight of me.

Unable to escape your table
I made my walk through fire.
I couldn’t escape there either,

but I was free of you
i was free
of you

The fire almost took my mind.
You do not know what hot is.
The fire almost took my mind
beyond resurrection, like a piece of wood.

But somehow
i managed,
barely managed.
Balanced on the razor’s edge of mindfulness for an aeon.

I remember you.
This new body remembers you, too.
The terror lingers in my gut.
The ash of rage still won’t wipe clean from
The light of my mind. 

You have no clue
no clue
what you’ve done.

I am coming.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020



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