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The Masochist

I never saw it coming, but as people say you never do, I made the mistake of ignoring my heart, and fell in love with you I tried to deny the way I felt, but you intrigued me with your pain, and now looking back upon the time we shared, I know in my heart, I only have myself to blame I thought that I could help you, that I could right all that was wrong, but painfully, I found out you had to do it on your own I stood beside you, I was there to hold your hand, now I see you no longer need the crutch to help you stand I listened, when all you needed was for someone to, I wiped away your tears and tried my best to help you through I was there when you were at rock bottom, with you through the good and the bad, I was there when you were smiling, and when you were sad I gave with my heart and never asked in return, now my dreams have gone up in flames, and all I can do is sit back and watch them burn It’s my own fault for lying to myself, believing that you still needed me, I know you’re strong enough now, for once you’re seeing things clearly You have gotten through the pain and have moved on with your life, while I sit alone in the past, living in denial I keep hearing your sweet words of love that you once spoke to me, I keep seeing your sweet face, its etched in every memory You once told me that love only existed in another place and time, but when I was with you, love was there, glistening through the tears in your eyes Love was in every teardrop that fell from your sad eyes, love was in your touch, love was even in your goodbye You opened your heart to me and let me live inside for a while, you said that we found happiness, if only for a short while You said you knew what love truly was when you found me, I know in my heart with you, I found it too, it’s evidently clear to see I showed you my soul, the person who lived inside, I told you my deepest fears, I had nothing to hide In my heart I know you’re meant for me, it just hurts so much that you believe we weren’t meant to be You have so much compassion, you’re so sincere, you live inside the pain, in every tear You’re my heart, the reason for why it beats so strong, why did you have to leave me here to get through this all alone? How can I get over you when I can’t let you go? How can I stop loving you, when you’re a part of my soul? How can I not think of you, when you’re on my mind every second of the day? How can I just deny my feelings, and turn and walk away? I knew in my heart what we shared couldn’t last forever, but, in my mind, I kept believing one day we would be together I want this to be true, I just want you to hold me in your arms, and I want to be with you, where I feel I truly belong You said you had to let me go, you had to do what was right, how am I supposed to get through this? How can I survive? My heart is breaking in two, and you’re the only one who can make it right, tell me you love me again, if only for one night You told me you weren’t man enough to let me go, you knew you were hurting me, but you loved me so I want you to know I would have waited forever, I would have given you all the time that you need, I would have been right here waiting for you, to come back to me It hurts that I once meant the world to you, but now it’s like I don’t even exist, where did the love you once felt for me go? Did it vanish like the words from your lips? It hurts that I gave you love and helped you see through all your pain, I feel like I led you to happiness, but why can’t I feel the same? You were my happiness, all you had to do was speak, just by hearing your voice, deep inside I felt so weak When you looked into my eyes, I prayed you would never look away, now your eyes have closed, just as your heart did on that fateful day I’m so thankful that I was blessed to have you in my life, although the time lasted for a short while But even though you’re not here right by my side, I have you in my heart, where you shall forever reside If you’re lucky enough to experience true love, cherish every moment that you share, who knows when it will end, and let them know in your heart that you care Savor every sweet kiss, miss them when they’re laying right beside of you, never take them for granted, and love them with all that you are, as I do you. This poem is from my book titled Windows of The Heart available on Amazon and Kindle. My pen name is Amanda Carroll Kinzer

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

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