The Last Indulgence, Or Maybe The First?

I butter the toast as if it were a pardon,
its crust breaking under my knife
like a sealed envelope.

The coffee is bitter ink,
a confession cooling in its cup.
I swallow it fast,
as if speed could trick the executioner.

When I buy myself flowers
I imagine them lining a witness box:
petals trembling,
each one swearing I once existed.

I take long baths,
the water climbing like hours,
the body softening, rehearsing its exit.

Every errand feels ceremonial:
the grocer weighing apples,
the cashier stamping receipts—
as if recording my presence
before the page turns blank.

I buy the trinket, the sugared cake,
because why shouldn’t the condemned
glitter a little,
lick the spoon clean?

The hours leer,
their faces blindfolded.
Any minute the rope could tighten—
a phone could ring with pardon.

So I go on feeding myself,
scraping honey from the jar,
gilding my throat
for the last song or the first acquittal,
as though I might vanish mid-bite,
or else be called back,
my name suddenly rinsed clean
from the record.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2025

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Diderot Avatar
September 6, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Darkly poignant. On trial, self-immolation; judges and juries. The never-ending last supper. A stellar poet, you are. Loved your telling and its dark complexity.
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