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The Kitchen Not the Cake

There’s cheap lunches in the Barley Tavern, each Wednesday, when after one o’clock. I always chose to eat beer battered fish, plus mystery cake a little bit ad hoc. And this Wednesday here in the tavern, Ted Austin joined me with his chosen dish, which consisted of fruit salad in a bowl, to follow after his beer battered fish. I only get to meet Ted in the Tavern, perhaps it’s half a dozen times a year, when his wife goes visiting up north, and that’s his chance to have a social beer. But Ted tells me that this time she’s upset, ‘cause his big mouth had a bit too much to say, he told her housekeeping would be easy, if she organized herself a better way. That meant shaking a red rag to a bull, the charge meant Ted had better step aside, she’s staying at her Mother’s for a month, now Ted must put to practice for his pride. “When I go home I’ll prove it to that woman,” and then I watched him point down at me cake, “when I leave, I’ll go home and start baking, a much better cake than that make no mistake.” “By the time she mucks about with wasting, I’ll have the kitchen looking spick and span, and you like her can bet your bottom dollar, no one does manage time, better than this man. Give me a couple of hours and come ‘round, so I can prove to you, how to do it mate, and if you like, you can bring some stubbies, then judge me cake that’s sitting on a plate.” Ted wiped his gob and after standing up, he stomped to the exit door and gone, something tells me he might need therapy, to deflate his ego, and trouble it brings on. But still I’ll go to see his woman’s touch, and do me own judging this afternoon. After knocking on his door with stubbies, Ted’s pleased I didn’t miss this opportune. Ted took me on a grand tour of his kitchen, and the cake he baked was sitting on a plate, Proudly Ted winked at me and then he said, “Now I’ll leave you to do the judging mate.” I have to say that Ted excelled himself, not one thing out of place and really clean, and Ted was strutting like a proud peacock, as he explained how he produced the scene. “I told you I was better than a woman, while the cake was in the oven baking, I washed the kitchen windows and ceiling, but the walls were a little painstaking, so after washing all the cupboard doors, and the floors, I was finished in an hour, that’s what I meant by using time wisely, I even had the time to have a shower.” Ted convinced me that it’s time to concede, he was better in the kitchen than his wife, but that’s before Ted sheepishly admitted, “hang on! hang on! I got meself in strife. The beaters on the mixer in the bowl, when making chocolate icing I forgot, and lacking concentration for a second, I iced meself; the kitchen - yes the bloody lot!” Ted’s wife did finally come back home, not quite as bitter as she was. As time went by her mood recovered, and I found out why, because, Ted learnt a lot within her absence, so that she doesn’t get cut up - stick to his shed and veggie garden; in the kitchen - bloody well shut up!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020




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Date: 10/26/2020 8:32:00 PM
I put a comment on the Aussie poems, but forgot to address it Lindsay Laurie. Vivien Wade
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Date: 10/26/2020 8:29:00 PM
I have enjoyed reading your poem with the Aussie flavour. Very entertaining. Blessings from a fellow Aussie Vivien Wade
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Date: 10/23/2020 5:42:00 PM
What a chocolate mess that must have been. Ha ha....made a good story at the pub for him. Always love checking in and I see Bill caught up with you. Cheers, SuZ
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/26/2020 3:04:00 PM
Hello Suzanne ... thank you for commenting Suzanne. Oh yes, melted chocolate must be treated with caution. I do like Bill's story telling poetry. It's very similar - catch you soon Suzanne - Lindsay
Date: 10/18/2020 2:20:00 PM
Your witty narratives never fail to entertain, Lindsay. Both my wife & I produce good meals in the kitchen, but we stay out of each other's way when we cook :) Regards // paul
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/18/2020 3:30:00 PM
Hello Paul ... you are very wise indeed, although I reckon your wife would be quite happy for you to take hold of the reins. I''m pleased you enjoy these little tales Paul - Lindsay
Date: 10/17/2020 2:22:00 PM
Hi Lindsay, I am new to this site, and a couple of regulars tell me my poetry is like yours. Hence I couldn't resist taking a peek at your work. I enjoyed your tale of Ted's foray into the kitchen - I definitely do not share Ted's desire to prove his kitchen skills are better than his wifes. Dining out and the odd take-away does for me. So, forgive me waffling on, I Loved your poem and I fully intend reading more of your work by and by. Regards, Bill.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/18/2020 3:27:00 PM
Hello Bill ... nice to meet you. I read your posted poems and I will again. You certainly write well and yes, your wit is very similar to mine. Thanks for commenting - catch up with you soon Bill - Lindsay
Date: 10/16/2020 8:16:00 PM
just saw what you wrote down here that some believed your fictional poems haha. You need to mark the true ones!! Do you HAVE true ones?? haha
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/18/2020 3:24:00 PM
Hello Andrea ... oh yes, plenty of factual. Of course at election time everything a politician states is often believed too, and that could lead to poetry also - catch you soon Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 10/14/2020 9:04:00 PM
Loved this one Lindsay. My hubby is a fine one for telling me how to do something better but seems he can't manage it. As the saying goes, "Those who can do, those who can't supervise." Great write. God Bless and stay well, JB
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/18/2020 3:20:00 PM
Hello Judy ... how right you are about doing and supervising. I'm pleased you enjoyed this tale between a man and the kitchen - Lindsay
Date: 10/12/2020 10:03:00 AM
Had a great laugh reading this, Lindsay! Had to feel sorry for Ted when you described waving the red flag for a bull to charge. It's hilarious how Ted thought he could both bake and clean better than his wife. Maybe he'll hold his tongue from now on. (I've done similar things with the beater.) Winning wishes for you and this wildly funny poem! Hugs, carolyn
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/14/2020 4:59:00 PM
Hello Carolyn ... I'm pleased that you could see the banter in this ego driven attempt by Ted. He should have gone to a bakery instead - thank you Carolyn - Lindsay
Date: 10/11/2020 5:52:00 PM
lol I agree with that Laurie, better not meddle in a woman's business, lol, thanks for the interesting write,
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/14/2020 4:56:00 PM
Hello Pixie ... correct; it can be fraught with danger and cause marital warfare. You're welcome Pixie and thank you for commenting - Lindsay
Date: 10/8/2020 7:27:00 AM
Amazing write in miniature book form! My husband does the cooking, but I can never get him to bake a cake ;) ~Angie
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/11/2020 3:16:00 PM
G'day Angela ... thanks for reading and putting up a comment Angela. I enjoy cooking also but only attempt the basics and cake is not one - catch you soon Angela - Lindsay
Date: 10/7/2020 9:28:00 PM
I enjoyed this interesting tale very much, Lindsay. The ending was delightful! :)
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/11/2020 3:13:00 PM
Hello Evelyn ... I'm pleased you enjoyed this little tale about a man attempting to bake a cake. Thanks for writing a comment Evelyn - Lindsay
Date: 10/7/2020 8:18:00 AM
Awesome is this, Lindsay, i'm old school, still i never stop learning, and lessons here are diamonds.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/7/2020 3:37:00 PM
Hello Harry ... yes Harry, it's a good way for a bloke to combine two professions here; cooking and cleaning - thank you Harry - Lindsay
Date: 10/3/2020 12:00:00 PM
Excellent narrative poem, Lindsay--great, entertaining, amusing plot, lesson learned in the mix. Janice
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/7/2020 3:34:00 PM
Hello Janice ... thanks for reading and leaving a comment Janice. These lessons should be learned before thinking of cooking a complicated thing like a cake - thank you Janice - Lindsay
Date: 10/3/2020 2:59:00 AM
A fun read Lindsay, your very good at story telling, Is always nice when a man tries in the kitchen but least he knew when he was beaten lol, Emilia : )
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/7/2020 3:30:00 PM
Hello Emilia ... oh yes Emilia; there are too many pitfalls there so before we men jump into the deep end as you read here. Thanks for putting up a comment Emilia - Lindsay
Date: 10/1/2020 11:10:00 AM
LOL Love the story in your poem, Lindsay. It is hard to find a man who can cook, but some insist on trying anyway. Ted learned his lesson. Hugs, Carolyn
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 10/2/2020 5:13:00 PM
Hello Carolyn ... in a way I agree Carolyn. Ask a man to cook the meal he prepared to cook it a second time then the confusion begins - thanks once again Carolyn - Lindsay
Date: 9/28/2020 12:25:00 PM
Good pen Lindsay an amusing tale to tell, . An enjoyable read indeed. Blessings always,Gordon
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:58:00 PM
Hello Gordon ... I'm glad who could see the amusement in Ted's attempt in the kitchen. Sometimes things don't go to plan - thanks Gordon - Lindsay
Date: 9/26/2020 11:34:00 AM
This is quite hilarious Lindsay, men think that the kitchen is easy, it is the most difficult to keep clean and tidy in a home, and I think Ted learnt his lesson and conceded! Loved his poetic story! Hugs and blessings, Jennifer.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:55:00 PM
Hello Jennifer ... I am one who does not think the kitchen is easy. As you wrote, there is more to it than just cooking. Not cleaning properly can mean stomach upsets. I'm pleased you enjoyed this poem Jennifer - Lindsay
Date: 9/24/2020 6:44:00 PM
you are SO good at stories, Lindsay. YOu should lend yourself out to be a storyteller at libraries and such!
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:52:00 PM
Hello Andrea ... I was doing this a good while back, but only occasionally now. It was great fun, but some people were believing the fictional ones - thank you Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 9/23/2020 8:17:00 PM
Lindsay, This poem sure takes the cake. I suppose Google has it right that 'stubbies' are small bottles of beer/ale(?) Good oil in this story's moral. -Richard
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:48:00 PM
Hello Richard ... correct, a stubby is a small beer bottle. Obviously kitchen utensils can be fraught with danger - thanks Richard - Lindsay
Date: 9/23/2020 3:26:00 PM
This really gave me a giggle Lindsay. It was so well described I could see it all taking place. Loved how you brought up WHY he washed the windows, walls and even the ceiling. Great job. God Bless, JB
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:45:00 PM
Hello Judy ... Thanks for reading and commenting Judy. I'm pleased you enjoyed reading about a man's foray into the kitchen - thanks Judy - Lindsay
Date: 9/23/2020 11:18:00 AM
I really enjoyed this Lindsay. You are a great storyteller! :)
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:20:00 PM
Hello Heidi ... I'm pleased you enjoyed this poem, but I'm this experience has never occurred to you - thanks Heidi - Lindsay
Date: 9/22/2020 6:50:00 PM
What a tale! Somehow I knew that old Ted was going to muck it up too... Thanks, Gershon
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:17:00 PM
G'day Gershon ... see what happens when we don't read the instructions - thanks Gershon - Lindsay
Date: 9/21/2020 9:38:00 AM
Oh Lindsay this is absolutely hilarious - I had an issue with my liquidiser - omg soup doesn't half make a mess when the lid isn't on properly lol:-) hugs jan xx
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:15:00 PM
Hello Jan ... so it's not only just us blokes who can destroy the beauty in a kitchen - thanks you once again Jan - Lindsay
Date: 9/20/2020 11:39:00 AM
Tour de force! Aloha! Rico
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:11:00 PM
G'day Rico ... it's marvelous how good a man can be at house cleaning when the need arises - thanks Rico - Lindsay
Date: 9/20/2020 12:06:00 AM
How strange is this, the captcha was TED lol. Good message here Lindsay, a womans Castle is her kitchen, enter at your own risk. Tom
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 9/28/2020 4:08:00 PM
G'day Tom ... too right it is Tom, so trying to prove that theory wrong can have consequences - thanks Tom - Lindsay