The House Cat's Official Greeting to Visitors

Seeing as I live here (I say this not in jest), remember this is my domain, and you are just a guest. There is a possibility that's fairly safe to predict: you will definitely be sniffed and probably be licked. (Deal with it.) It is not my problem if you're a crusty grouch; if you don't like cat hairs, stay off the gosh darn couch! To you I am the cat, but here I am the baby. If I'm in a pleasant mood, I'll let you pet me. Maybe. Here they like me more than they like most people; this, of course, makes perfect sense: I am the queen - so regal. They really, really love me; they're only friends with you. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a toy mouse to chew.