The Harkness Greasy Pig Competition

There's an event in the country that few city people ever know, It's called the Greasy Pig Competition held at the local show, It's a novelty event put on when the riding's been all done, A greased up pig chased by the locals on the run. Now local cafe owner, Chubby Enright was his name, Has prospered in recent years, his belly showed the gain, Had planned daring tactics to capture the running swine, On pork ribs with cranberry sauce that evening he would dine. Lean Lanny Watkins had a mean and nasty look, In fact on the morning of the show there was little there to cook, He'd been out of work for quite a while, no fault of his own, And he was developing quite a hankering for ham on the bone. The whole Godolphous family had been practising for a week, With their pet cattle dog dipped in mud from the creek, The dog was fairly cringing, he was sure they'd all gone mad, As they chased every afternoon caked in mud put on by dad. The Gunning brothers were responsible for supplying the hog, But if the locals knew what they'd planned they'd all be on the grog, You see they were replacing the domestic with a very furious brand, A wild pig caught in the bush, near the salt-bush on the sand. It was the morning of the show, the fairground filling up, On the announcer's desk taking pride of place, the Greasy Pig Cup, Many contestants entered, some paying with their last two bob, Later on they toed the line, waiting for the release of the hog. The contest was held inside an oval with a fence all way around, The starter held his gun up high, everyone waiting for the sound, The pig released, the gun went off,the hog was on the run, Alas the poor town folk thought they were going to have some fun. But this snorting wild pig had other things on his mind, Returning to the salt flats to live with his own kind, He was knocking people over and a terror replaced their grin. Realising he wasn't domestic but a wild swine that'd been rung in. The grunting wild animal had turned the crowd around, Survival now their primary thought as they raced across the ground, Screaming people everywhere, one opened the oval gate, Both man and beast came charging through to escape a drastic fate. The pig flew through the opening straight into a stall, Causing all the home-made cakes to be flung against a wall, The weeks of work now a sloppy mess laying on the ground, The Harkness ladies now mortified gave a kind of whimpering sound. The fruit and vege stand was prepared with pride by farmer Ness, It was decimated by the rampaging boar creating such a mess, After wrecking another two stalls the pig finally turned east, He headed off for sanctuary and other wild beast. The towns folk didn't appreciate the joke that had been played, Their nerves and their tempers had been completely frayed, The Gunning brothers most unpopular hastened to their farm, They daren't show their faces for a while in case they came to harm. Eventually they were forgiven, the locals even grinned a bit, As they re-told the story of the swine and all the people hit, However next year at the fair they made sure a domestic pig was used, No more broken bones for them, no more battered and so bruised.