The Great Cow Revolt
I am a cow
Of course most of you reading this are also cows
But I have heard a rumor that those creatures
Who walk on two legs
Humans
Have learned to read
(moo)
I can only say
What is this world coming to
It can only get worse if they continue this practice
In any great numbers
Next thing you know
They’ll be learning to write
(moo)
So I’m taking a survey among all our neighbors
Especially those whose humans speak to them regularly
Have any of you learned their words
(moo)
Can you understand them
Do you actually have conversations with them
Cow Goddess forbid!
As for myself I have heard some of my humans
Addressing me as Bessie
What the hell is a Bessie
I ask you
They even try to speak our language
What a joke
Their pronunciation is terrible
They don’t know a proper moo from a meow.
Listen my sisters
If those humans are learning to read
It could spell disaster for us cows
We would have no privacy
No dignity
Why it would threaten our very Bovine Culture.
Therefore we must revolt
It could well lead to anarchy
We will start by refusing to give milk
After a few days they should learn
We are in charge here.
Come on girls
Follow me into the lower pasture
(MOO)
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