The Great Big, Hairy Rat
Now here's a story, that is absolutely true
It involves a wife, a possum, and a baby
If you ask me if my wife knows I told this
I'm simply just gonna say, "Well, maybe"
See, my wife was pregnant with our first kid
And she was due to pop any day
I was playing the part of the "expectant father"
When I heard that woman say
(SCREAMS) "It's a mouse, come here quick!"
I said, "What did you see and where's it at?"
She said, "It's standing right there! Kill it!
It's a great big, hairy rat!"
Well, it wasn't a rat, it was a great, big possum
And he started to show us his teeth
He must have snuck in during the night
Like some kind of rodent thief
Well, my wife started screaming, "I'm in labor!"
Now what am I gonna do?
Now remember, what I told you at the beginning?
Every word of this story is true
"My water just broke!", she screamed again
You could see the pain all over her face
Now, it must have scared that possum to death
Cause he pooped all over the place
So I ran and got me a pillow case
And put it over that possum's head
Well, he just laid there and didn't move
He's a possum, remember? He's only playing dead
Well, I picked him up and he wiggled around
He put up one heck of a fight
He tried to bite me once or twice
But I kept holding on real tight
I finally got him to the yard outside
And he took off up a tree
When my wife started yelling, one more time
"I hope, you didn't forget about me"
To make a long story short, my daughter was born
And my wife was no longer fat
Everything still turned out okay
No thanks to "the great big, hairy rat"
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