The Great Big, Hairy Rat

Now here's a story, that is absolutely true It involves a wife, a possum, and a baby If you ask me if my wife knows I told this I'm simply just gonna say, "Well, maybe" See, my wife was pregnant with our first kid And she was due to pop any day I was playing the part of the "expectant father" When I heard that woman say (SCREAMS) "It's a mouse, come here quick!" I said, "What did you see and where's it at?" She said, "It's standing right there! Kill it! It's a great big, hairy rat!" Well, it wasn't a rat, it was a great, big possum And he started to show us his teeth He must have snuck in during the night Like some kind of rodent thief Well, my wife started screaming, "I'm in labor!" Now what am I gonna do? Now remember, what I told you at the beginning? Every word of this story is true "My water just broke!", she screamed again You could see the pain all over her face Now, it must have scared that possum to death Cause he pooped all over the place So I ran and got me a pillow case And put it over that possum's head Well, he just laid there and didn't move He's a possum, remember? He's only playing dead Well, I picked him up and he wiggled around He put up one heck of a fight He tried to bite me once or twice But I kept holding on real tight I finally got him to the yard outside And he took off up a tree When my wife started yelling, one more time "I hope, you didn't forget about me" To make a long story short, my daughter was born And my wife was no longer fat Everything still turned out okay No thanks to "the great big, hairy rat"