the good fight

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* In my dad’s memory, and for all those who have dealt with the ravages of Lewy Body Dementia. *

              ~
 
oh Dad, how I wished you realized how much
    I longed throughout life to garner your touch
      a spare arm to steady me some here-or-there
  or perhaps a rough tousle to mess up my hair

a shoulder-ride wouldn't’ve been such a stretch
    an hour for fishing or a quick game of catch
      maybe taken by hand for a walk on the beach
  a soft pat on the back with a lesson to teach

a high-five to follow some baskets with you
    or even a, (gawd forbid), warm hug-or-two
      perchance, a kind touch to blot a stray tear
  how I longed for just SOMEthing, year-after-year

and now that you've lost your volition to live
    my resentment is waning for what you can't give
      thus I’ve made that decision to push it away
  and I go to your bedside again to just pray ...

your dementia can't realize it's me who’s nearby
    so I settle my head on your chest ... and I cry
      my tears wet your t-shirt but you’ll never know
  while I weep and I whisper "I can't let you go"

I know there's a reason but it’s one I can’t find
    why we have to lose you as you lose your mind
      thus devoted to family and God each good day
  now you fight as your dignity slow-strips away

as you don't seem to notice that I'm even there
    I tell you “I love you” while I rise from my chair
      I straighten your pillow and you give me a sigh
  (I've annoyed you again), my eyes are now dry

I drop your hand gently when my visit is done
    to my shock you hold on, say "I love you my son"
      I turn back around, kiss your forehead goodnight
  "please, watch over him Lord, he has fought …

the good fight." 








(Photo of my dad and I from 1966)

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