The Gift

It was two days before Christmas Joe feared for his life He had clearly forgotten A gift for his wife He sat on his bar stool An ache in his heart As he pondered his route To the nearest Wal-Mart He waved to his cronies As he finished his beer Wishing them riches And holiday cheer The snow had been swirling And covered his car For all of two hours He had sat in the bar Perhaps, yes perhaps He could re paint the hall Put up new drapes And plaster the wall Hubby was fretting As he sat at the light Would he please the old bat By the end of the night? He stepped on the gas And plowed through the snow Giving the finger to drivers too slow At 6:21 he stopped at the mall Jumped out of his car And entered the "Wal" Joe had a brain wave As he pushed through the crowd "I know what to buy her!" He shouted out loud "She doesn't need an ipod New shoes or a mink A plasma tv Or a new kitchen sink" She doesn't need diamonds Or a portable phone A fancey new blender Boy, would she moan!" Turning around Joe raced for the door Flew to his car Pushed his foot to the floor He knew that his wife Just hated her chest And thought right away What gift would be best A couple of implants Would be the choice thing A size 44 would Make her heart sing He stopped at a phone box and flipped through the book Searched for a doctor To give her that look He dialed Docs Bergen, Cully and Lear Who gave him an appointment For the first of the year With a grin on his face He made for his house Hoping his wife Wouldn't call him a louse He imagined her glee When he broke the surprise And thought of the wonderful Glint in her eyes A new set of boobs In a size 44D He chuckled and rang His hands in such glee So Christmas did come And Joe broke his news His wife glared at him Saying "do I look like a flooze?" So after some coaxing And unneeded strife Old Lizzy aagreed to Go under the knife So all was resolved And due to Joe's knack They eagerly awaited Lizzy's new rack