The Gift
It was two days before Christmas
Joe feared for his life
He had clearly forgotten
A gift for his wife
He sat on his bar stool
An ache in his heart
As he pondered his route
To the nearest Wal-Mart
He waved to his cronies
As he finished his beer
Wishing them riches
And holiday cheer
The snow had been swirling
And covered his car
For all of two hours
He had sat in the bar
Perhaps, yes perhaps
He could re paint the hall
Put up new drapes
And plaster the wall
Hubby was fretting
As he sat at the light
Would he please the old bat
By the end of the night?
He stepped on the gas
And plowed through the snow
Giving the finger to drivers too slow
At 6:21 he stopped at the mall
Jumped out of his car
And entered the "Wal"
Joe had a brain wave
As he pushed through the crowd
"I know what to buy her!"
He shouted out loud
"She doesn't need an ipod
New shoes or a mink
A plasma tv
Or a new kitchen sink"
She doesn't need diamonds
Or a portable phone
A fancey new blender
Boy, would she moan!"
Turning around
Joe raced for the door
Flew to his car
Pushed his foot to the floor
He knew that his wife
Just hated her chest
And thought right away
What gift would be best
A couple of implants
Would be the choice thing
A size 44 would
Make her heart sing
He stopped at a phone box
and flipped through the book
Searched for a doctor
To give her that look
He dialed Docs Bergen,
Cully and Lear
Who gave him an appointment
For the first of the year
With a grin on his face
He made for his house
Hoping his wife
Wouldn't call him a louse
He imagined her glee
When he broke the surprise
And thought of the wonderful
Glint in her eyes
A new set of boobs
In a size 44D
He chuckled and rang
His hands in such glee
So Christmas did come
And Joe broke his news
His wife glared at him
Saying "do I look like a flooze?"
So after some coaxing
And unneeded strife
Old Lizzy aagreed to
Go under the knife
So all was resolved
And due to Joe's knack
They eagerly awaited
Lizzy's new rack
Copyright © Valerie Bellefleur | Year Posted 2008
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