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The Feast

Tongue soaked in tasty red
Painful water; it blots the bed
Vampires are at feast
Doom strikes whoever sucks least

Bursted veins, brawled roars
Shattered windows paving soars
Of beasts; two dead couples lays
Tickling death in its night rays

Hunger exhumes lost appetites 
Like woods to termites
Carcasses left for vultures
It was a night of less surfeit pleasures!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2013




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Date: 9/17/2013 11:37:00 AM
I like your subject matter. I'm a huge Anne Rice fan and was picturing a scene from one of her books while reading. I think the piece would flow better if you tightened up your rhymes and evened out the beats. Play around with your wording a bit. Cool piece, though :)
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