The Expired Burglar

When a burglar ate some of my expired food, it made him expire. The next day I learned that an attorney was who I needed to hire. They've sent me up the river for twenty years for manslaughter. I've lost 50 pounds because they only feed me bread and water. I wish that I had a bottle of Jack Daniels or vodka because I want to get soused. What the hell has the USA come to when I go to jail because a thief burgled my house? I hadn't gotten around to throwing my expired food in the trash. Now I cry every day because my attorney took all of my cash. Even though he took all of my money, he lost the case. The prisoners lust after each other in this horrible place. I can't take this prison any longer, my situation is so dire. If you get arrested, my lawyer is somebody you shouldn't hire.