The Exceeded Limit of What a Teenage Mind Can Only Take

My head aches sorely and my heart breaks more, I look to the old china cabinet to see what lies there and the first thing I see is the Angel and while in the mental state of becoming something I never would have expected as a child or a Teenager much less but as an Adult or grown Woman? I'll never know. But comparing life 10 years ago to now is something I've done constantly in the past, that things change over time, as if things are beginning to grow dull, like the Angels that sit upon that shelf, are beautiful women when they are truly genderless, the small statue of Jesus Christ, a man long ago who was just a Sinner as any human being upon this Earth, Nature; Created by possible multiple gods rather than just one. But one reason why I vent is because, I've been so frustrated to what might happen in my future, scared but risky. I don't know what's to come but I can only hope that it may bring happiness one day and because of my skeptical, confusing downfalls which are my thoughts, it's become hard to even think about what would happen. I've suddenly felt depressed also because.. What am I doing here? Becoming Anti-Social as I seem to think.. Becoming something.. I wasn't those 10 years ago.. I'm quite sure I've upset my Mother from this point on, as her own weakness may grow, the older she becomes and the more I break down in every set of mind state that I tend to put myself through. That smiling face, I want to see it in reality one last time and I can only hope that life will be much more suitable for myself soon.. That I can hope to see everyone truly happy in a mist of possibilities that never seem to fail or that never seem to let anyone down but myself.. Looking through the Rose colored glasses is all I've ever really been about and I will continue to do so, I will.. I'll find the day that I see that smile.. That real smile, the confident one. and if I could go back in time and pull my inner child in front of me, I would hold her close, hug her tightly and tell her not to ever turn her back on the true meaning of happiness because it's all you have to make yourself whole again. And although it may seem hard, just don't ever let that confidence go, don't ever let anyone pull you down like your future self has, don't come into this place lacking compassion and embracing selfishness, don't ever steal, don't ever lie, don't ever kick the hopeless down..... Be you and only you.. Let my Mother tell you what is right and what is wrong.. Find love in all the right places.. No matter how wrong they may seem. Just let your heart decide and not your mind.. You were born into this bright but cold world for a reason, and only life can give you those reasons as you age but start off right, my darling. I won't have you carry the burden of your Father leaving for possibly the most pathetic but crucial reasons.. You must be strong, you HAVE to be strong. Learn all that you can so that we may meet again and when that time comes where you age to 16 years old.. We will reunite and tell each other just how happy we are to live as one. You and Me forever..