The Crack That Quacked

[In the spirit of ‘Old Macdonald’, I envisage a class full of kids filling the space between stanzas with moo’s, quacks and dings etc as appropriate. Of course if you’re in charge of a room full of kids... you might choose to polish your medal first] *** The farmer raised his trusty gun The cockerel said we’d better run But a long dark night had just begun So he slept right through to the morning The owl was smart, the owl was wise He watched the farm through big wide eyes He rocked his head from side to side Going Hoo, hoo hoooo till the morning The hen fell foul of such bad luck She got well stuck in a farm yard truck So a farm yard truck full of farm yard muck Went cluck cluck cluck in the morning The poor old farmer’s hunger grew And so he searched the whole night through ’till the cockerel did what cockerels do He went cock-a-doodle-doo in the morning The cow got chilly but he made no fuss When an evening breeze became a gust He spent all night in an all-night bus Which went ding ding in the morning Well the people knew when the bus was due They stood in line and formed a queue But nobody moved when the bus went Moo When the bus went Moo in the morning The duck was slim and the duck was tall So he hid in a crack in a dry stone wall Where he stayed all night saying nothing at all ’till the crack went quack in the morning Well the farmer said, oh what good luck I heard what sounded like a duck He looked in the crack and the duck was stuck And he laughed, ‘Ha Ha’ in the morning Well he got quite narked when his old car barked Though it seemed quite cute when the boot went hoot It was quite bizarre went the cart went bah But what went hiss in the morning? He heard a sound that made him twist He thought he heard a snake go hiss But what he saw was quite remiss When his tyres went Ssssssss in the morning His tyres went flat which made him wail The beasts all stood beside the quail Who stood there with a rusty nail And his tyres went Ssssssss in the morning And so they lived and they were glad But soon they felt a wee bit sad When the farmer’s dad found the farmer mad Going hoo, hoo hoooo in the morning Then he went cluck cluck And Cock-a-doodle-doo Then Ding ding ding And Moo moo moo Then he yelled Quack quack Then a woof and a hoot And he Bahh-ed and he Hissed in the morning. Yes, he went cluck cluck And Cock-a-doodle-doo Then Ding ding ding And Moo moo moo Then he yelled Quack quack Then a woof and a hoot And he Bahh-ed and he Hissed in the morning