Ugg and Ogg, on a rock they sat.
The pair were in hiding from the sabred cat.
They had hunted for a whole week long.
But, recently it had all gone wrong.
The ladies were waiting in their caves.
It was roasted Mammoth that they did crave.
Unfortunately , Ugg and Ogg were not that clever.
They had no idea how to hunt, none whatsoever.
They had hunted for days and hunted at night.
They were exhausted and they began to fight.
(Now, at this part I'll have to translate this bit,
Because if truth be told it will sound like ).
"It's YOUR fault we are in this mess".
Said Ugg to Ogg right in his face.
"You should control your woman, put her in her place!"
Now, rightly so Ogg got quite offended.
But, to argue with Ugg he would get upended.
You see, Mrs Ogg was a sight to behold.
Much bigger than Ogg if truth be told.
She had such beautiful hair (all over her face).
Her knuckles scraped the ground with such amazing grace.
To other men Ogg liked to boast and brag
Of how he could treat his wife like some old hag.
Alas no further truth could ever be said.
If Ogg even raised his voice she would see him dead.
She would kill him with rock or spear
Or incessant nagging in his ear.
"My Mother said you were a no good sod,
You'd amount to nothing, and still you think you're god."
"Now you hear me out you no good fool
If I don't get Mammoth I'll insert this tool.
For a week at least you'll not sit.
You'll be in pain to walk let alone take a ".
Now you can see why he had such fear
And Ugg was not a patch on Ogg's old dear.
Now, Mrs Ugg was quite demure
Small in size but hardly pure.
One night Ugg had caught her cheating
but, it was Ugg himself that took the beating.
It was not the other man that issued the pain.
It was Mrs Ugg, she kicked his balls up towards his brain.
As Ugg lay on the floor, member in hands
He could feel the swelling to his damaged glands.
The pain hadn't finished, oh my, not at all.
Mrs Ugg wanted to show who's boss, the real Neanderthal.
She hefted Ugg above her head an ejected him from the cave with a mighty toss.
Ugg tumbled and rolled over the grass and moss.
Ugg just lay on his back all battered and bruised.
Whilst his wife looked down and laughed, she was so amused.
"Now, don't you come back until I am finished.
You have cavework to do, if it's not done,you'll get demolished".
Now, as these two formidable ladies had laid down the law
Those two young cavemen knew they would soon be sore.
The Mammoth they hunted was a mighty beast.
It would provide them all with a mighty feast.
As I have mentioned time and again.
Between this pair they had not a single brain.
These two losers thought that they would prevail.
They'd be mighty hunters with a heroic tale.
These two dopey fools (with more luck than skill).
Had followed tracks and moved for the kill.
They crept and they crawled through the underbush
Between some trees they rose and stood.
A bit too late they realised their mistake.
Stood under the **** of the beast and they began to shake.
It sounded like thunder, it moved their hair apart.
The mammoth was rumbling and let out a gigantic fart.
Ugg and Ogg turned and ran for their lives.
Sod the mammoth and sod the wives.
On and on ran the hapless pair.
Into the cave ( unknown to them) of a sleeping bear.
Huffing and puffing, each blaming the other.
They failed to notice the grizzly arise from his slumber.
This beast was not happy and fitted a rage.
He growled and he roared and went on a rampage.
Those hapless fools had enough sense to flee.
They got out of there quick and climbed straight up a tree.
Up they climbed, right up to the top.
Hugging the trunk so tight, to ensure not to drop.
In the lofty heights they pondered their time.
Ogg was holding a branch and Ugg Pulled ( on what he thought was a vine).
Now remember the start because that's where we're at.
That dopey fool Ugg had pulled the tail of a cat.
It spit and it spat, it hissed and it clawed
It yelped in a panic, then in anger it roared.
Ugg and Ogg thought they were going to die.
You could hear their fright, their screams and their cries.
But, Lady Luck she surely did intervene.
The cat she did slip and the boys went unseen.
They could hear the cat way down below.
They prayed she would tire, they prayed she would just go.
Hours passed and what felt like days.
A mist crept in and they hid in the haze.
Slowly, down the tree the did climb.
In truth their stealth really was sublime.
They were tired (in truth they were shell shocked).
And, that's when they spotted the rock.
"Up here Ogg, that's where we'll hide.
That bloody cat will be denied".
"Sod the cat!" Ugg quickly replied.
"When i get home I'll wish that I'd died."
" she's gonna go mental, she'll murder me".
"Without that damn Mammoth, my funeral it will be"!
Ugg had thought the very same
Of his living days, few would remain.
So, on that rock they spent the rest of their lives.
Forced into hiding from cats and from wives.
Copyright © John Steward | Year Posted 2018
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