The Better Brew

Peter Beechey capped the last bottle, of the latest Lager that he'd brewed. He's changed his recipe this time, so the argument will be renewed. He say’s the Lager that I make is not near the standard that he sets, now we'll argue this for hours until we’re finally making bets. Stout, lager, bitters labeled; the smell of malt drifts through the shed. Air-locked and popping through the water; a brew ferments below a head. Us pair have now refined the art; our little breweries come of age. No longer do we show impatience - we've stopped bottling hand grenades. Both of our stocks have built up now and so of course the word soon spreads. This means the visits from the connoisseurs; blokes each home brewer dreads. On weekends we roll out 'Hilly' - insensible - to which beer is best. Even the local cop and publican closed the pub to take the test. Water, yeast, malt - but no sugar - clarity and flavour of the hops. The head, right down to the barley, but the disagreeing never stops, and 'Hilly' never cleared one point; our beers were locked in similar status. We need an independent to give a true scientific basis. I suggested what we ought to do, is send samples to the public analyst, for he will clear the finer points; the ones that obviously we missed. Three weeks later in the mail, his analyzing caused a further strain - 'Gentlemen, I regret to tell you - that neither horse will race again!'