The Beauty of Self Destruction
The beauty of self destruction
comes before you know that its done.
It happens when what makes you happy
Ends up making you hate someone.
To be tricked by a lover,
by someone who you're supposed to trust,
Into thinking that you were so special
But learning you're no more than dust.
To be so brainwashed that your life has poured out
And all you are left with is fear.
Fear and hate and sickening thoughts
and hoping the end is soon near.
Not the end of life, you see,
but the end of this dreadful demise:
The journey that brought me down so far
That others look down with their eyes.
In the process of stopping the stress for me
I caused all my loved ones such pain.
By crying about my situation
And ignoring when they ask again.
Expecting that they would always be near
unaware that I was breaking their hearts
Assuming that they 'd understand
and not leave me there in the dark.
But the more you worry about yourself
The more you cause others to hurt.
I knew that he'd get distasteful towards them
To me, it's like eating dirt.
I could have stood up, told him just to leave,
that family and friends were more dear
But my selfishness and my vain enterprise
Left me with my family not near.
Sure they still love me and they always will
Sure they'll still be there when I'm down.
But I can't expect them to ignore all my pleas
When I act as I'm all smiles, no frown.
They all tried to help, tell me what was best.
They knew that deep down in my heart
That I was slowly destroying myself
like pissing on somebody's art.
I fool myself, but not my loved ones
They always knew it wouldn't last.
I've wanted out for so long, you see,
But out of fear, I'd pass.
So now here I am with a glass in my hand
All alone with this wine.
It didn't have to be this way,
I'd had happiness all the time.
Copyright © Britney Love | Year Posted 2010
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