The Beauty of Self Destruction

The beauty of self destruction comes before you know that its done. It happens when what makes you happy Ends up making you hate someone. To be tricked by a lover, by someone who you're supposed to trust, Into thinking that you were so special But learning you're no more than dust. To be so brainwashed that your life has poured out And all you are left with is fear. Fear and hate and sickening thoughts and hoping the end is soon near. Not the end of life, you see, but the end of this dreadful demise: The journey that brought me down so far That others look down with their eyes. In the process of stopping the stress for me I caused all my loved ones such pain. By crying about my situation And ignoring when they ask again. Expecting that they would always be near unaware that I was breaking their hearts Assuming that they 'd understand and not leave me there in the dark. But the more you worry about yourself The more you cause others to hurt. I knew that he'd get distasteful towards them To me, it's like eating dirt. I could have stood up, told him just to leave, that family and friends were more dear But my selfishness and my vain enterprise Left me with my family not near. Sure they still love me and they always will Sure they'll still be there when I'm down. But I can't expect them to ignore all my pleas When I act as I'm all smiles, no frown. They all tried to help, tell me what was best. They knew that deep down in my heart That I was slowly destroying myself like pissing on somebody's art. I fool myself, but not my loved ones They always knew it wouldn't last. I've wanted out for so long, you see, But out of fear, I'd pass. So now here I am with a glass in my hand All alone with this wine. It didn't have to be this way, I'd had happiness all the time.