The Bad Guy

Soon as I feel the pain I notice my avoidance I want something but I’m afraid I’m not sure what I’m doing I can’t force you off my mind but I think your better off if I make myself the bad guy Dissatisfied with my choices but I still keep going You come across my mind again and I starting asking myself why.. When I had a touch of everything I had wanted I just had to make myself the bad guy I noticed I was going to hurt you if I stayed Not intentionally but because I wasn’t grounded and still finding my way I think about it all night and when I’m busy in the day I hope someday I can make up for being the bad guy That’s just something I say to ease my mind from the knowing thoughts that youl move on and find someone who will get what I desired I wasn’t ready for you but i couldn’t hurt you A battle I didn’t want to bring you into, I thought I had it handled I didn’t think you’d love me but I started to believe it Then I fell for you and I never felt so steady How could I let that go, something il always regret , I just tell myself “it was for his better” Crushing me cause I’d grow back cold and you were my sweater I’d just pretend I didn’t feel it, I’d grown numb to cold weather But that’s how I noticed you inspired me to see better That was when i realized I could feel again But you were right I wasn’t ready but I wanted to make amends I didn’t fight , nor did I defend cause you were right I didn’t want to hurt you so I pulled back as you pulled tight I’m feeling the cold creep back in as the chills start to settle I have a better version but she was lost in the cold weather Growing even colder than chilling metal Id lose you when you fell for me, and I wasn't vulnerable In my story you’ll always be so honorable Sometimes my mental can tell me a lie Why did I have to make myself the bad guy ???????????????