The Bachelor Spectacular

The Bachelor Spectacular by Michael R. Burch One heart? Tossed aside. The other? A bride’s. In all his great wisdom, the bachelor decides. Eeenie, mean-ie, mine-y, mo’, one gal must stay and one must go. If she hollers? That’s the show! No heart can handle such despair! But hearts get broken, hearts repair. Next season? The treasoned will rule the air! The Unspectacular Bachelor by Michael R. Burch The bachelor is back, he’s black, and some fair-skinned gals sure want him in the sack! And, yes, he’s a whole lot smarter than the previous knights of that peculiar garter. We can hear the white supremacists stewing: What the hell are the screenwriters doing? They know love requires a nice white spark, and this apprentice is far too dark! Updated Advice to Amorous Bachelors by Michael R. Burch At six-thirty, feeling flirty, I put on the hurdy-gurdy... But Ms. Purdy, all alert-y, kicked me where I’m sore and hurty. The moral of my story? To avoid a fate as gory, flirt with gals a bit more whore-y! bachelorhoodwinked by michael r. burch u are charming & disarming, but mostly alarming since all my resolve dissolved! u are chic as a sheikh’s harem girl in the sheets but my castle’s no longer my own and my kingdom’s been overthrown! Cut Out the Bachelor Nonsense! There's a bun in auntie's oven; now soon you'll have a cousin! ?Michael R. Burch Teach me to love: to fly beyond sterile Mars to percolating Venus. —Michael R. Burch Nipples' Ripples by Michael R. Burch Men are scared of nipples: that’s why they can’t be seen. For if they were, we’d go to war as in the days of Troy, I ween. That Mella Fella by Michael R. Burch John Mella was the longtime editor of Light Quarterly. There once was a fella named Mella, who, if you weren’t funny, would tell ya. But he was cool, clever, nice, gave some splendid advice, and if you did well, he would sell ya. Chip Off the Block by Michael R. Burch for Jeremy In the fusion of poetry and drama, Shakespeare rules! Jeremy’s a ham: a chip off the block, like his father and mother. Part poet? Part ham? Better run for cover! Now he’s Benedick — most comical of lovers! Jeremy’s father is a poet and his mother is an actress; hence the fusion, or confusion. Tags/Keywords: Bachelor, Reality, TV, show, spectacular, spectacle, marriage, engagement, date, dating, relationship, relationships, nonsense verse, light verse, humor, satire, parody, heartbreak, tears, hearts broken, bride, groom, funny love