The Adventures of Captain Morgan
Well, it all started when
Jim Beam bet Jack Daniels
that Captain Morgan
couldn't go out
and get himself
some Wild Turkey.
Old Fashioned, like Old Granddad,
Captain Morgan like some of you,
really enjoys his Southern Comfort.
But mostly in the form of a woman named Wild Irish Rose.
It being near thanksgiving and on most mornings,
you can hear the Wild Turkeys bird call.
For those of you who don't know,
the Wild Turkeys bird call
sounds just like a song
from the singing group Seagram Seven.
Captain Morgan was out early
passing through thee Angry Orchard
when he saw his friend Strongbow.
Strongbow a native to these parts
was already on the hunt for the wild turkey
and had one in his sights.
Just as he was drawing his bow
to take his shot,
there was a noise, a snort.
In a clearing, right outside the Angry Orchard,
A Matador was mixing it up with a Red Bull.
And it was hard to tell who was winning.
When Captain Morgan and Strongbow looked again,
That Wild Turkey was gone...
Leaving tracks in two directions.
And a song from Seagram seven
could be heard in the distance.
Captain Morgan followed one set of tracks
and Strongbow the other.
Hot on the trail of that Wild Turkey
Captain Morgan ran into Smirnoff.
Smirnoff was headed over to Boone’s Farm
to get himself some Grey Goose for breakfast.
Smirnoff said that Ron Bacardi
took Strawberry Daiquiri home
to meet his Bahama mama.
Later he plans to show her his Mojito.
Jose Cuervo had taken Pena Colada
to Margarita Ville because he likes the way
she makes his Tequila Sunrise.
Now while all you alcoholics
are thinking about your favorite drink right now.
Captain Morgan met up with Johnny Walker
and his dog Whiskey crossing
Firewater Creek.
They stop to watch the Cognac Bothers
Courvoisier, Hennessy, & Remy Martin
work together to help Samuel Adams
Who was trap on the Natural Ice.
Grateful for help, Samuel Adams thanked everybody.
And offered to buy a round of Pale Ale or some
Mike's hard Lemon aid
He even told Captain Morgan that
he got stuck on the Natural Ice
when he stops to watch Elijah Craig
trying to help Brandy show off
her Fuzzy Naval.
Then tried to cover her Buttery Nipples
Using Pabst Blue Ribbon.
But Brandy was wearing Pabst Blue Ribbon
as part of her Bikini to cover her Heineken.
Brandy got her bikini caught on a Bud light
when she jumped out the way
of a Rolling Rock when some
Rumrunners was hauling some Moonshine.
Now just when it started to look like
Jim Beam was going to collect
on that bet with Jack Daniels
Captain Morgan's cell rang.
It was Chardonnay.
Chardonnay rings his cell phone
every other day,
when she's ready to play!
Chardonnay said that
Cooking Sherry is barbecuing a wild turkey
she caught in her backyard
doing the funky chicken.
And that she's having a cookout
With her girlfriends
Merlot, Reunite, Tequila Rose and Chianti.
And they all wanted to know
If he'd like to come get some?
Now, Will he get some Wild Turkey?
You better believe it.
Copyright © Robert Kinard | Year Posted 2019
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