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The Adventures of Captain Morgan

Well, it all started when Jim Beam bet Jack Daniels that Captain Morgan couldn't go out and get himself some Wild Turkey. Old Fashioned, like Old Granddad, Captain Morgan like some of you, really enjoys his Southern Comfort. But mostly in the form of a woman named Wild Irish Rose. It being near thanksgiving and on most mornings, you can hear the Wild Turkeys bird call. For those of you who don't know, the Wild Turkeys bird call sounds just like a Screaming ******. Captain Morgan was out early passing through thee Angry Orchard when he saw his friend Strongbow. Strongbow a native to these parts was already on the hunt for the wild turkey and had one in his sights. Just as he was drawing his bow to take his shot, there was a noise, a snort. In a clearing, right outside the Angry Orchard, A Matador was mixing it up with a Red Bull. And it was hard to tell who was winning. When Captain Morgan and Strongbow looked again, That Wild Turkey was gone... Leaving tracks in two directions. And a Screaming ****** could be heard in the distance. Captain Morgan followed one set of tracks and Strongbow the other. Hot on the trail of that Wild Turkey Captain Morgan ran into Smirnoff. Smirnoff was headed over to Boone’s Farm to get himself some Grey Goose for breakfast. Smirnoff said that Ron Bacardi took Strawberry Daiquiri home to meet his Bahama mama. Later he plans to show her his Mojito. Jose Cuervo had taken Pena Colada to Margarita Ville because he likes the way she makes his Tequila Sunrise. Now while all you alcoholics are thinking about your favorite drink right now. Captain Morgan met up with Johnny Walker and his dog Whiskey crossing Firewater Creek. They stop to watch the Cognac Bothers Courvoisier, Hennessy, & Remy Martin work together to help Samuel Adams Who was trap on the Natural Ice. Grateful for help, Samuel Adams thanked everybody. And offered to buy a round of Pale Ale or some Mike's hard Lemon aid He even told Captain Morgan that he got stuck on the Natural Ice when he stops to watch Elijah Craig trying to help Brandy show off her Fuzzy Naval. Then tried to cover her Buttery Nipples Using Pabst Blue Ribbon. But Brandy was wearing Pabst Blue Ribbon as part of her Bikini to cover her Heineken. Brandy got her bikini caught on a Bud light when she jumped out the way of a Rolling Rock when some Rumrunners was hauling some Moonshine. Now just when it started to look like Jim Beam was going to collect on that bet with Jack Daniels Captain Morgan's cell rang. It was Chardonnay. Chardonnay rings his cell phone every other day, when she's ready to play! Chardonnay said that Cooking Sherry is barbecuing a wild turkey she caught in her backyard doing the funky chicken. And that she's having a cookout With her girlfriends Merlot, Reunite, Tequila Rose and Chianti. And they all wanted to know If he'd like to come get some? Now, Will he get some Wild Turkey? You better believe it.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 12/23/2019 12:13:00 AM
O' Lord; I so, need to go cold turkey after all that liquor . . .
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Robert Kinard
Date: 12/23/2019 7:47:00 AM
Thank you, I write to entertain, and I think a drinking poem hits the spot.
Date: 11/27/2019 12:32:00 PM
The sailors use to say “Ho, Ho, ho and a bottle of rum!” That sounds like quite the party.
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Date: 11/27/2019 8:42:00 AM
This brought several smiles. I’m afraid however it might lead to a mid day hangover. A very cleverly thought out piece.
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Robert Kinard
Date: 11/27/2019 11:11:00 AM
If you think that something, you should check out the baseball game Short story wrote with the same characters. Titled An Alcoholic's Game