The ache that follows
The pen is harder to hold now
My head yearns to be slammed into a wall
Maybe then I will finally feel pain
Other than the emptiness
Swallowing me whole
The way I feel God isn't really on my side
abandoned, alone
Like a person damned to be astray
Do I deserve this
Can I feel something else
Other than pity , lost hopes and regret .
I work hard
For years
Yet you all take it away
And I am alone
To deal with the part of me
Which is now gone
It breaks my heart
Leaves it to rot in the core
I can't do this anymore
Being the best and still getting ignored
I can't lie to my own face
"Maybe this was destiny"
No
This was fate making a fickle face
It is so easy
Being happy for yourself when the hard work pays off
What about the rest of us
We try and try
Never to conquer
And the desolation and torment
Don't leave us alone
Even in our dreams, dear.
Now at the end
I am back to square one
Do I start again
And wait for destiny
To play a new cruel game
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