That's the Way We Do It

We were taught 
that to be qu**r
means to be strange,
to be unlike the rest,
to be different, 
but not in a way that would raise surprised brows 
or taint eyes green with jealousy.
We were taught 
that to be qu**r 
means to be different 
in a way that would produce uneasy “oh”s 
or disapproving “how could that be”s.

To be qu**r was
a rising sea of loneliness drowning us
but later it became comforting furry blankets
we’d pull up to the tips of our heads at night—
there was safety in keeping our lips shushed.

You call it hiding in the closet
we call it an embroiling conflict with ourselves
of loving and hating,
of pretending to be not so different,
of letting your homophobic jokes slide,
of knowing that we’re silent because we’re also afraid to hear the truth—
that we’re also sometimes disconcerted by this part of ourselves,
for that’s just the way we do it.

We learn, over time,
as we find out that that kid in our Chemistry class
likes painting his nails,
and that girl in our neighbourhood
scribbles hearts over the Cara Delevingne posters on her bedroom wall,
we learn that maybe 
we’re not so different.

We teach ourselves
to give to ourselves
the love we want to give to people who make our hearts flutter,
to accept ourselves
the way want to be by our mothers and fathers,
to embrace ourselves 
the way we embraced that friend who came out to us.

We teach ourselves to take off the blanket and sleep in the open instead.
We teach ourselves to keep swimming and swimming no matter how ferocious the currents grow.
We teach ourselves to love all the seven hues in our skies
and to let go of the people who don’t find rainbows beautiful.
We teach ourselves to battle the ridicule and dismissals and bullying,
to no more despise the way our hearts beat.
We teach ourselves to no more pretend to be ’normal’
for we already are normal.

We no longer subdue our voices to the pits of our anxious stomachs
Instead, we sing in a chorus of the hues in our skies,
for we are here
and we are qu**r
and that’s just the way we do it.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

Poem

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Bhuyan Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 9:52 AM
Hello, readers! I am new to PoetrySoup so I am not aware why the word 'q u e e r' (writing with spaces so it's not considered a word) was censored. In my poem, I've not used it in any derogatory context. Being a member of the LGBTQ+, I think it's the best umbrella term to use. Anyway, I modified it to qu**r for better comprehension but wanted to clarify in case someone does not decipher the asterisks. Thank you!
Lawless Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 3:34 PM
actually Ruchika, i thought that the ***** added a bit of metaphoric mystery.
Lawless Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 9:11 AM
Just keep on keepin' on Ruchika.....you are ... and that's all that should matter. A beautifully written and poignant poetic undertaking.
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