That Is Not Me Elephant

Here we go, We decided to go for a walk in the park I remember it was summer so the evening isn’t dark Now me misses is not small Rather large, but not tall So we have to walk slow The sort of, take two steps have a breather, that kinda thing, you know We eventually walk a good distance when she gasped “over there” So with all me strength I help her as she slumped onto the chair Now I’ve never felt sorry for anything in me life But this was the first time, for the metal chair straining to support me wife Next to me wife was a ninety year old gran with a pop eyed stare She screamed before she fainted “that not fair” I heard a muffled yelp come from below me wife’s butt I cringed when I saw the dog leash and thought, me misses killed that old bags mutt. Running toward us was a 7 foot built like a Brick Sh-t house which made it worse He had muscles on muscles, I thought “today I’m going home in a hearse He picked me up by the neck and said “Look what your wife done” I couldn’t speak and could only feel the life strangled from me which was not fun “I’m sorry it was an accident,” me misses said so elegant I just managed to say the first thing that came to mind “That… is… not my Elephant… Well it took the fire brigade an hour to prize the mutt From the chaffed tight squeaky cheeks of me wife’s butt Now I don’t know what she had in her bag But when it hit me mouth at break neck speed it left me jaw that sagged So for six months I couldn't drink a beer And to rebuild me mouth the dentist had to do it through me rear.