Temporary Release

There is no way to describe the way I feel inside. How would I begin to describe the intense feelings of fear, regret, loneliness, frustration, despair, and complete loss of will power. Then it peaks and all I can do is try to find a release. The thoughts in my head are going to fast to concentrate on just one thing That’s when that familiar thought comes back. You know the one I try to push away that nagging in my head "grab the blade I’ll make it go away". It’s almost impossible to resist so I grab it, I feel the all too familiar cold steel between my trembling fingers. I touch it to my wrist apply pressure, breath and feel the blade enter my flesh. I exhale and the crimson blood seeps through. It happens, "relief" and a calm relaxation flows through my entire body. I feel my muscles loosen and my heart slow to a normal rate. I push a little deeper to intensify the feeling for as long as humanly possible. It's been so long since I have had relief from this constant depression and anxiety, the tension and aggression. I feel at peace for now but the old feelings will return and the cycle will continue. This is what is known as insanity, repeating the same actions and expecting different results. By Lesa Richardson 02/28/06