Taking Back An Existence

I take all this in
This moment here and now
Feeling despair.
I’ve died already,
Been beaten, tortured, and raped a thousand times over,
That will never go away,
I carry the hurt of my ancestors in my chest.
Hearing their stories be cast aside, mistaken, or not heard at all
Burns in my soul like a fire I can’t put out.

Within the walls of this humanity that blinds me
Will I ever begin to exist?
Colonization rears its many heads with a sword,
I died hundreds of years ago.
Held in chains called a percent
When will the killings stop?
If you ignore my history, ignore my struggle
It doesn’t make me any less real,
I am still thriving, alive.

Forget I’m here now
But remember to sexualize me, make me inferior,
Take away my existence.
Forget what you learned or what you think you know.
We celebrate a painful history,
With Jackson on the twenty dollar bill
And Columbus a national hero.

I can’t say I’m not angry
Because I’m pissed as hell
But I won’t be angry and give you that strength.
I was raised to have respect 
Though I never thought it could come to me.
I have to change where I’m coming from,
Heal this place of pain,
Be open to you whom I love 
And stand up, tall, respectful,
Respected.

-Tuiyanti Mampihandon
Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

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October 4, 2009 at 4:23 PM
Hi Tuiyanti Nice to meet you. Welcome to Poetry Soup. There are a lot of talented poets here. Your heart is so heavy. I know where you are coming from, I'm so sorry for you locked internal pain. Try to put yourself on the trail of healing it isn't easy. so sad,unconsionable what you been through.Writing helps. so realYour poem here is brillant too! You teach us all here, so keep writing my friend and I'll keep reading. Take care, many blessings to you and yours. Love Light Truth Patty
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