Table Manners

An invite came from Buckingham Palace to sup with the queen! What a rarefied event that will be, dining on royal cuisine! I try to recall the many social graces taught by my Mom, So as to breeze thro' the affair with a modicum of aplomb! 'Tis prudent to forget table manners learned in the navy, Like using salty language and sopping my bread in the gravy! Or tossing my tie over my shoulder or slurping the soup. 'Twould ensure icy glares and horrified gasps from that august group! Seated, I take inventory of the tools - these do confuse, Reckoning which of the myriad of forks and spoons I should use! Do I begin from the inside out or from the outside in? (I'll just wait and surreptitiously watch until the others begin!) Is using my fingers to eat pickles, caviar and artichokes, Acceptable even when dining with these imperial blokes? If the duchess on my right asks for salt do I also pass pepper? Such lapses in social amenities make me feel like a leper! I must not use my napkin as if I'm vigorously washing my face; That would heap upon my head the pinnacle of disgrace! Ere I spill wine on the duke to my left, 'twas just as well, That I awoke from my short-lived blue-blooded spell! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved) Alas, I did not receive an invite from the Queen - just dreaming!!!!!